A lot can happen in a month. And it has. Update?

I have heard that more people have kept up with this blog than I realized and so I need to get back into posting on a regular basis regardless of whether I think I have something interesting to say or not.

Since the beginning of February a lot has gone on.

The last job I posted about possibly taking with the same family I worked for last summer fell through comme d'hab as we like to say in French. At that point I just laughed a little in disbelief but because it just seemed so normal. I am not sure what that means. It's been an interesting journey I've been on since December when I quit my job. Sometimes I think, "was I crazy to leave that job?" ... I had a place to live, I had a job, I had an income, etc. But then I am reminded of the bad times. And they were pretty bad which is why I decided to leave it in the end. I've chosen a journey of fully trusting God and its not been an easy one.

In February it become REALLY cold in Paris. And the sun is consistently nonexistent. And I had no place that was mine, living out of a suitcase for 2 months and counting. It was rough. I had some pretty low days. Days where there is no way to explain how I got through without God's strength. I had to learn to wake up and pray for strength because I had none.

At the end of February, after nearly 2 months of unemployment, living with different friends, and a quickly approaching visa appointment I had to really start facing the reality that Texas could be in my very near future. I spent a week in the suburbs of Paris with a good friend and during that time I started looking up plane tickets back to Texas and job possibilities. I really started to think about a future back in Texas and what it would be like. I have kept my faith very close to me during my time in France. It has been the only stability for me, in a life that has not an ounce of stability between the language and culture difference to everything else. I had been praying that God would direct my steps and guide me because I clearly couldn't do anything on my own. I've tried, and failed, and been unsuccessful. I mean, 4 jobs had been offered to me only to have been taken away without anything I could have done differently. During that week I really prayed that if God wanted me back in Texas that he would give me a desire to be there and also present a ticket price that was ridiculous (as a sign) and a job. My thought was I would come back to Texas for a few months and work part time and end back up in France. It sounded nice to live with my parents where I could sleep stress free at night and not have to worry about all the things that have been consuming my mind for the past few months. Later in the week things conspired so that I found a return plane ticket to Texas for super cheap and I instantly felt a peace about booking it. So on Friday I found the plane ticket, on Saturday I booked the plane ticket and on Sunday I was on a flight to Texas. Et voila!! Here I am. Sitting on my parents couch in their home writing to you. Sounds crazy, right?

Last year I read a book by Francis Chan, a pastor in California, called Crazy Love. I highly recommend reading it if you haven't already and it can be found on Amazon for those who are interested. It's a book about living your life so on fire for God that nothing else matters. Following God and living your life for God in such a way that people don't understand. This book practically changed my life. I wanted that. I wanted to live a life like that. A lot more made sense after reading that book. When all this plane ticket stuff happened, I really had a peace about it. I had prayed about this and I really felt like I needed to be back in Texas for a period of time. So, without knowing why or how or anything else I just booked this ticket. My friends in Paris didn't understand. Some of them said I was crazy for making such an impulsive decision (and if you've met me you'd realize its not that crazy for me). Call me crazy, but when I feel called to do something, I just do it. I don't have to think about it or weight the pros and cons or consult a friend or family member, I just do it.

So here I am, back in Texas. I've been here for exactly one week now. And I will be here for a week and a half longer, whereafter I am going back to Paris where I have a job waiting for me. Crazy. You see, in the amount of time it took me to find a plane ticket, purchase it and get on the plane, I had a job opportunity presented to me and accepted. I say that its not real until I actually start it, with my track record and everything in the past few months, but its a start.

Being in Texas has been such a weight lifted off my shoulders. It's been so nice to be in warmer weather where the sun shines and to have a comfortable bed that is "mine" and to enjoy the company of my family whom I haven't seen much in the past year and a half. I've also been able to catch up with some really good friends and best of all, Relax.

I am not yet out of this valley but I can see more clearly now. For a while I felt like I was blindly living life, not knowing the next turn it would take. Not really knowing what the next moment would hold. I've been super blessed. I look back and see how God has clearly provided for me when I wasn't even able to see it at the time. My friendships have grown stronger and deeper, money has multiplied, and my faith.... well, I have prayed that whatever the reason for this season was, that I pass the test. I guess there isn't really a "test" to pass, but I have prayed that whatever the reason for this season, that I would grow like and mature and come out a better person on the other end. A stronger person. A wiser person. A person more in tune to God in my life than ever before. It's been such a dark battle, that I can admit to, but I can't say I would take it back for anything.

This life we live is the only one we have. Or so I believe. And while there are valleys we all must go through, I have the hope and assurance that I will make it through.

So, there. A very personal and real recap of the last few months. I thank you all for being a part of my life, whether we keep in contact regularly or only through this blog. I can feel your prayers, your love, and your support alike. So, if you're still interested, I'd love to start updating more regularly again... I have pictures!!! :-)

Well, I am off to spend the evening breaking bread with my family here in Texas, where the sun is shining warmth on us today. Another answer to prayer I guess. :-)

Happy Sunday! Love, me!