and the world keeps turning

So I have some news. Some that may be of interest and other that may not.

I have debated whether or not to post about this just yet because there are so many unknowns surrounding the future right now and I know when you share your business everyone has questions and kind honestly, i have no answers to offer at this point. But I figure honesty is better than the opposite so here we go.

I quit my job.

There, I said it! or wrote it i guess. I haven't written too much about my current job because if we're being honest, it has not been the most pleasant experience of my life. I'd put it right up there next to college and if anyone knows me, they know how much I hated college with every ounce of who I am. This job has been hard since day one and I am all for a healthy challenge but this turned into something I'd rather not have to deal with on a regular basis. Imagine 4 kids, a house the size of Africa and parents who are rarely around. Mix that with a little bit of behavioral problems and Kara speaks rubbish French and there you have a combination that is rather deadly. I've told you many times before, or maybe not, but my French is not an issue, or it shouldnt be to the normal person. But for these kids my french was the worst thing to come into their lives for quite a while. After they realized I did speak French if they'd just open their ears and listen, then it was my accent. Ok, so your parents have accents when they speak English and I understand. Ok, then it was just behavior. I was new, the house was new, everything was new. Get over it already. Then I had to deal with a pre-teen who's goal in life was to be as awful as possible. The list goes on and on and the stories could take us well into the next 17 blogs if I wanted to recount all of them but because I'm moving on and they're really not that interesting, i'll spare you the details. Basically I decided that after trying and trying and trying for 3 months and getting nearly nowhere and then deciding that when you try and your best gets you leaving your job either so mad that you're shaking or so mad that you're crying (almost every day) then something needs to change.

The thing is that I'm not a quitter or I'd like to think of myself as someone who doesn't quit so coming to the choice that I was going to get the courage to leave this family and this job did not come easy. I have spoken to everyone that will listen and then some. I'd come to the conclusion that this job was no good and therefore the only way to resolve it was to leave. The other option was to stay in the same awful situation for another 8 months until the end of my contract and that option made me want to back to Texas and bury myself under the sheets of someone's bed (because i no longer have a bed in Texas) for a very long time. And that, my friends, was even less an option than the first. So there ya go. The decision was made for me. I must cut the things, end it all, and peace out...

So I did it. I told the Mom that her family was too much for me to handle. That I'd had enough and that I needed to leave. She actually took it well. It was 1am and I had just had two rather unpleasant experiences with her 11 yr old daughter that week and I was finir! Done. Over. I left feeling proud of myself (and tired) but figured it couldn't be that easy. Ha. Boy was I right. Since that fateful night I have been under brutal attack. Ok, that is a bit of drama there for you but I have received a few awful phone calls being called names and being told that I am not fit for being a nanny. Sure, ok. Thanks for the information.

Anyways, a few buckets of tears and some time later and I'm over it. Her words mean nothing to me. Especially considering if I thought the story would be that interesting to tell, you'd understand that she is nothing more than a contradicting woman who needs me and is scrambling to figure out what to do next. I can't blame her to be honest. Doesn't mean I agree at all with what she has said to me, but I can't blame her for being upset and frustrated.

Long story short, or should I say, lets wrap this up: I have 1.5 more weeks with this family and I'm DONE. And we insert another hallelujah chorus! HALLELUJAH!!!!!!!!!

The sad thing is, is that I have actually grown to love some of the family members. While the 2 little boys raised quite some hell the first couple of months, it has to be in my last month after I've decided to leave their family, that they finally come around and decide that I'm fun and nice and want to get to know me and take a liking to me. It'll be hard to leave them, I know, as I'm sure it'll be a hard transition for them as well. But it doesn't make me want to stay.

So to the more interesting stuff, what's next????? Thats probably the top question on your mind. Well, lets see.... I HAVE NO FREAKING CLUE!!!!!!!!!! For the first time in my life I don't care. I say that as nicely as possible but I just don't have a care in the world. I am not stressed or worried about the future. Well, thats a lie, today I started to stress a bit but I think its because I'm tired and homesick and about to be homeless. But back to the question. I have been interviewing and applying to jobs (in the reverse order because usually applying comes first) and moving on is what I'm doing. I still don't have a job, I have no where to live, and I have no clue how I'm going to afford this city without a job come January if I don't have a job but somehow I am not worried.

I have found that I have several options, I hope to have a brand new visa, and some great friends who said I can live with them if need be. It'll all work out and I'm confident of this. And for those of you who are wondering, Texas is not an option...not yet at least. And I don't have the finances to come back to Texas if we're being honest.

So that leaves me here. In my closet. Telling the whole world that I'm about 3 weeks from being HOMELESS, jobless, and income less.... interesting future ahead, no doubt.

I read on facebook today where a friend posted this status, "Jesus' statement: "do not worry about tomorrow" was a command, not a statement." and it was a solid reminder for me. The world is going to keep turning, I will find a job, and all I need to do is take care of TODAY.

So on this rather chilly evening here in my closet of an apartment in Paris with a view of the eiffel tower, I'm taking a moment to say that I'm thankful for all the opportunities I've had so far, that I got off work 40 minutes early tonight, and that I'm going to be back in Texas so spend Christmas with my people in less than 2 weeks. What happens after that will happen regardless of whether I stress or worry so I'm focusing on being in the moment and being thankful and taking care of right now.

So there you have it. My current situation served to you all on a silver platter. If you have any questions feel free to ask but keep in mind, I probably don't know the answer myself. But I'm ok with that. :-)