post france

There has been a lot that happened from where I last left off until now. Even just until my first week in the USA which was awesome. But tonight I want to get something off my chest.

It's called culture shock. Or in my case, reverse culture shock.

I am not sure if that is even the correct terminology to use.

When you decide to up and leave everything you've known, for a year, for two years, for a lifetime, and change everything. Change the country or state, change friends, change status, change cultures, change everything. It isn't an easy story. However I have depicted my last two years and counting to you, I have no idea, because I have been living it. It has been equal parts good and bad. I have been challenged more than I thought imaginable but had some of the highest of highs. France was good to me, all in all. When I look back on the last two years, I choose to remember the fun times I had with the kids, the cool places I got to visit and live, making some incredible friends, experiencing some firsts I will never forget, as opposed to the bad days or rough situations I encountered along the way. The point of that is to say, it isn't easy moving countries. Regardless of whether I chose to do or was forced to, it isn't easy.

But no one has asked me how I am doing.

That feels so selfish to admit but sometimes I just wish someone would ask me, "so, how are you handling all of this?", "are you ok?"... because you know, some days I am not.

No pity party here. Not at all. I have made the decisions I know I needed to make in the moment I needed to make them. But that doesn't make it easy. I gave up all my friendships, a job, and a life I had created for myself in France and I have chosen to move back into my parents house where I have no car, no job and very few friends. Yes, its the city where I grew up in and I'm near all my family which I am thankful for but it doesn't make it easier. And sometimes I really feel I haven't been allowed the opportunity to adjust. Like I was forced immediately into this new life. No bad days accepted.

It's been hard I've realized when I've allowed myself to realize what all has happened. I get lonely. I get overwhelmed. I get frustrated. And I don't have any answers to any of your questions.

I know I'll be able to create a life for myself here, where ever 'here' ends up being. But until then, this is what I'm dealing with. All the changes.

Like I said, no pity party whatsoever. But just know, as hard as it is to move away. Its equally as hard to move back.