As does everything in Paris happen like this, or should I say, in my life, the tables turned...
It was the Tuesday of the second week in the month of June when I sat down to have a discussion with the parents of the family I have been working for. The conversation didn't go at all how I had imagined. I had thought I'd let them know my frustrations with the job and they'd tell me things maybe they saw I could change to fit their family better and we'd collectively come to some solutions and that would be that. But how it really happened was that I barely got a word in edgewise and I sat there not knowing how to interject anything I wanted to say without sounding impolite. Half way through this discussion the mom started going off on a tangent that I truly believe was from a higher power. She started talking about how she thought we should reassess this relationship at the end of June before I leave to go home for the summer and see if it fits us still. She didnt think I was fit to be a nanny for the rest of my life and that she knows I am not that young anymore and she thought I should go back to the US and start my career and chase my dreams. This is what she would tell her own daughter if I were her. She told me many other things along the same line and if I hadn't already been struggling with coming back and what decision I was going to make then I would have been offended. She told me she felt guilty that she had me commit to come back in the fall when she's not sure thats what I want to do and that if I choose not to then she would not be mad at me but that she would understand. In all honesty, that was the scariest yet most liberating (and awkward) conversation of my entire life. This lady had NO idea what was going through my head, she had no idea that I was struggling with this exact topic, and she had no idea that I was desperately needing to hear the words that had just come out of her mouth. She had just let me off the hook I had been dangling from and couldn't figure how to get off of. Wow. I walked home just stunned. How in the world did she know? What just happened? What? whaaaaaaa....
With my mind made up (almost) I called one of my best friends in Paris and told her. "Caroline, there is a 99% chance that I am not coming back in the fall...." The other end of the line was a little quiet and then I heard a very serious "are you serious?" "yes! I just had the most incredible conversation with the mom and I know its what I need to do" I spent the next hour just talking to Caroline about how I felt and how the conversation with the mom had gone and what was on my heart. Caroline has been one of my closest friends this past year in Paris and it was the hardest thing to realize that in making this decision I would be leaving her and the rest of my amazing friends, but you know you have the real deal when your friend supports you through such a major decision. I left that phone called really excited. Excited that I had finally made a decision. And excited for my future (in America...).
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