...are big and bright!!! clap*clap*clap*clap deep in the heart of texas!!!
reminds me of, the one i love, clap clap clap clap, deep in the heart of texas!!!
Ok, thats stuck in my head right now but mainly because i just love where i come from, can i get a "hell yea" as Gretchen somebody says in her song that was a hit back about 8 years ago... ok, i'm done.
Today was a repeat of a lot of my days here: great, frustrating, and great!!! It's like a sandwhich full of frustration but so sweet and tasty on the outside that at the end of the day it doesn't really matter anymore. Except of coarse, I get to wake up and do it all over again. Thankfully tomorrow is FRIDAY which means the start of the weekend and I have plans all.weekend.long. hooray.
This morning was great for me as I went into Saint Germain to meet up with another au pair I had met at the bus stop last weekend. She is from Germany but speaks pretty good English and I was very excited to spend the day with someone, as opposed to being by myself. It's funny how times have changed. I would've thought meeting someone at a bus stop and becoming instant friends and going to hang out just a few days later would be weird but its definitely the norm now.
And after a three week haitus from shopping, I am now back in the game! Yes, thats right, after living in Paris for three whole weeks, I finally made my first clothes purchase. That is a big deal for me! I bought my first pair of skinny jeans and a cardigan sweater for the cooler weather that likes to live here where I am. I am excited to work my wardrobe toward being more European and less American. It's a bit difficult as I am drawn towards the more American styles, and revamping your wardrobe on a tight budget can be hindersome also! (is that a word?)
Today was also a great experience as I had the kids until 7:30pm this evening by myself!!! I haven't been left alone with the kids more than hour since I moved here and so it was nice to be the one in charge for once and to be able to make the rules an just spend some uninterrupted time alone with the children, playing and doing whatever else we wanted to. But this situation also lead to some major frustrations....
I have been struggling lately with my position here in this house. I love my family, have not a bad thing to say about them. They have been as hospitable as can be expected from the French if not more, they have bent over backwards to help me get settled in and get all the necessary things prepared for my year here in France. BUT. I never work. Or so it seems to me. I work maybe two hours a day. Wednesdays the kids don't go to school, but the mom doesn't work then either. On weekends they have never asked me to babysit so i try and find things to do and places to go then so that i am not always home. And i don't mean to sound like I'm complaining about a good thing, but I am being paid to work and I was under the impression that I'd be "working" and I just feel as though I am not needed around here. Sure the mom needs to me to take the kids to school in the morning and pick them up in the afternoon but she leaves ten minutes before the kids leave to walk to school and she comes home not even an hour after the kids get out of school. And Wednesdays, I thought i'd be working all wednesday, taking the kids to the biblioteque and to football practice (soccer) and making them lunch, but none of that is happening because she stays home on wednesdays. So that is my current struggle, where exactly do I fit in in this family!?! I never know when I'm working and when she expects me to spend time with the kids and when i am free to make my own plans or spend time alone in my room. It's such an awkward and lonely place to be, in my head at least. I want to feel needed and like I am working for the money I am making and I am able to be responsible and I feel none of that. I know its only my third week I have been here and as everything else has, I need to trust that these issues will resolve themselves also, but I can't help but just feel the way I do since I have no reason to think otherwise. I'd be open to any opinions that might be out there, or anyone who has any advice on a situation like this.
As the day started out great, it became quite frustrating as my host mom did not return from work until 7:30pm tonight which is when the kids are normally fed dinner. I knew she would be coming home later than usual this evening so I asked her what all she wanted done before she got home and all she said was to have the kids bathed. Done! So as the clock ticked on I had set the table and gotten everything else ready around the house for the end of the day and knew that the kids were starving, i mean, i was starving myself, but I had no idea what she wanted to cook for dinner. It was frustrating my head that I couldn't help start dinner or that I couldn't do more. But she doesn't let me or ask me to. i would've glady had dinner waiting but she declined my offer for help. So i digress and sit back and let her take care of business.
I really am learning patience like none other in all of these MANY situations. Patience to keep my mouth shut when all I want to do is scream out in disagreeance or frustration. Patience in keeping calm and not having a breakdown for one reason or another. And patience in knowing that 'this too shall pass'. I can honestly say that these situations i have had to encouter, from the cell phone to the bank account to the bus to the family, are all very humbling as I no longer can take control of any of them...I am left to ask for help and depend on others or just to keep my mouth shut and deal. Not the norm for me. I guess the norm for me is changing.
To end the evening, I came upstairs to watch some American tv shows online as I needed a break, and my host mom came up while I was in the middle of an episode of Big Bang Theory and made my whole day the best one yet (I say that all the time now!). She presented me with my Navigo..my metro pass! Thank the Lord!!! I now have the ability to travel on the buses and trains without having to pay each time. THat is such a relief. It was the last piece of the puzzle to make nearly everything here complete in getting situated and feel more like a resident and less like a foreigner. I now have a French cell phone contract (for 24 months I might add, a bit scary!!), a French bank account, a French visa, a job in France, and NOW my metro pass. Hallelujah!!!
So this weekend starts an adventure of my life in France feeling less like a tourist and more like a resident! It's definitely an answered prayer! I am making friends, building relationships, getting plugged in, making plans, learning the ropes and my way around town. It's surreal and its real.
I love you guys so much for caring and loving me and wishing me a better day when I make it known that it wasn't so great! You're love and support carries me through the rough times. I know no other way to express my gratitude than to say thank you a million times!!! so THANK YOU!!! And I love you!
love, me :-D
1 comment:
Hey Kara, I'm glad to hear that things are still going well! That's great that you're keeping so positive about every situation - I'm really proud of you, I know that's not so easy to do. About your situation with your host family and you not exactly knowing your place... I honestly think you just need to give it a little bit more time! :) I know, it requires more PATIENCE! There is a possibility that you have so much free time right now because your host mom wants you to still get settled in. Did you make any observations about the last nanny the kids had, and what her position in the family was and how much time she spent working and being with the kids? Also, if a few more weeks go by and you're still a little unsure, I think you should try talking to your host mom about it. At that point, hopefully you'll be a little bit more comfortable and you can just let her know that you'd like to do more but aren't exactly sure what's expected of you. Miss you tons, I'm loving getting to read your blog! Hope you have a great day tomorrow :o) <3Ellen
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