I have only been back in the US a total of 10 weeks now since I made the decision to move back and yet somehow I have found it easy enough to get back into a routine of being American that I sometimes forget just how much I love France. I have several obsessions. My interest in France in the mid 1900's, particularly Paris, France during WWII, the French language (and how I wish I had really gotten over my pride and used it more when I lived there), the culture, the people, and mostly, the city Paris! The city of light. Oh, my love. Tonight I spent watching a movie called Sarah's Key which is quick depressing but oh so intriguing if you have the same interests as me. It's worth a watch for sure. Well, if you don't mind reading subtitles as about 75 percent is in French. Anyways, at the end of the movie, the main character has left her ex husband (who was French) and moved back to the US with her two daughters and says this, "It's weird, I really needed to come home but now I feel like a foreigner. So I guess France is a bigger part of me than I thought." This explains exactly what I've been trying to say but didn't know how. And thank you for reminding me just how much I love Paris and speaking French and the small apartments and courtyards, the bakeries, the people, the language. It all. I miss it oh so dearly. There is a saying, "you can take the girl out of Texas but you can't take the Texas out of the girl"... now I feel the opposite but with France. You can take me out of France but my love and longing for it will never fade away.
Sunday, October 21
Saturday, October 20
My transition!
I have been lacking in updating this blog consistently which is a shame because there have been so many times I wish I could have written down the things I was going through or thinking because this has been a whirlwind of a summer in moving back from Europe to Texas. This blog has now become more of a diary of sorts than to update people since I am back in Texas and can see everyone face to face. But I have decided, with all the twists and turns that my life has taken in the last several months that there is no reason to just stop writing when this is something I can keep and look back on hopefully years from now and remember what I did and what I was going through during the different stages in my life. The difference is that my diary is more public and maybe someone might stumble upon this and realize their desire to travel and explore outside their comfort zone or realize that its possible, you don't need to be rich or smart or anything else you might not be, but just have a burning desire to accomplish the things buried deep in your heart.
As for me and this post, I have to share some of the tough parts about moving back to your home country.
My transition back to the US started many, many months ago. Hindsight is 20/20 and its so true in this exact situation. I can see now how the ultimate decision to leave France was sitting on my door step waiting for me to be ok with it and actually follow through way before I ever wanted to admit it. My visa had not been approved for anther time, I was unhappy in my chosen career path at the moment (I did not have a desire to be a nanny for the rest of my life) and in the pit in my heart, I knew my relationship with France was soon coming to an end. I had already bought my plane tickets back to Houston for the summer so I knew I would be leaving Paris, if for no more than 8 weeks, at least 8 weeks. About 2 weeks before my plane ticket to leave Paris I made the decision to pack it all up, quit my job, and say good bye to the best city and the bets friends a girl can ever have. It wasnt easy and I'm sure I was in denial those last two weeks. It was a scramble to get everything in order that needed to be, all while still enjoying the last moments I had there. What I found when I came home was a lot different than I had ever imagined. I think from the time I decided to leave Paris to the time I was actually back in Houston trying to settle down, I never really gave it much thought, how I would transition back. What the transition would look like. How hard or how easy it would be. Everyone says that reverse culture shock is harder and worse that the initial culture shock and boy where "they" right. Let me tell you why:
-I chose to move back in with my parents which was my only choice since I had no job and no money. And while I am beyond blessed to have parents who would and could take me back in until I am back on my feet and able to support myself again, who, at 25 years old, after not living near your parents for 7 years much less in the same country as them, wants to move back in with them? I do not mean to sound rude or ungrateful but lets me honest here, I love my parents to death, but I am an independent person and have been for 7 years. For anyone to move back in with their parents is going to be an adjustment at this age, but for me, I hadn't seen my parents but a handful of times in the past 2 years and now I was living with them, seeing them all day and everyday.
-Secondly, like I said, moving back in with my parents had other difficulties: like moving back to the place where I grew up but hadn't lived in 7 years. It's so strange to be back in such a familiar place but be such a different person. Besides being 7 years older than I was the last time I lived here, I am not at all the person I was when I did live here. I am older, wiser, and just a completely different person. All my traveling, living abroad, college, the like, have changed me so much that it was an out of body experience and continues to be, living back in the same place where i grew up. I run into people I knew 7 years ago all the time and its not one of my favorite things to do. I struggled with digressing back into the high school me. Not a place I want to return.
-I LOVE Europe. I love the way of life, I love a lot of the culture, I do love the people, I love so much about Europe. As much as I love the US, I love a lot more about Europe. The things I LOVE about Paris: not needing a car, the metro, walking everywhere, going to the parks all the time, the markets, the healthier lifestyles, smaller apartments, no elevators, etc. The list goes on. I miss my friends living so close to me, I miss having to walk and bike everywhere and it being safe and nice enough weather to do so. I miss meeting up with friends at the park and frequenting the markets to get your weekly groceries. It's hard to become accustomed to a life you really like, only to have to exchange it for one you used to have and with no real notice.
-And mostly, I miss my friends. I think what people didn't understand was how hard it was to leave my friends. My friends in Paris were my family. Most of us had left our families and were living, and working or going to school in Paris and we had all met and become friends and really bonded over being foreigners in a foreign place. These people were the ones I counted on when I was sick in the middle of the night and needed someone to take care of me, we celebrated birthdays and holidays together, we prayed for each other in tough times and cooked meals together regularly. I left my family in Paris and moved back to Houston where I have blood family and they are great but they aren't like my friends in Paris. I miss my best friends so much it hurts. The realization that I don't have that here was hard. I have a few friends here that I have kept in touch with through the years but they have their own lives and their own sets of friends and I don't fit into that anywhere yet.
There are many other things that make adjusting back into the American culture really hard and have made this time really trying for me. I am not writing this looking for a sympathy card at all, but just a desire to get the things off my chest that are so heavy and so hard so many days. A few months removed from my initial decision to leave and I am better adjusted to life here. My days are a lot easier than they used to be. I don't find myself randomly crying and not understanding why, missing my friends AS much (although I still do beyond words) or hating it here like I did in the beginning. I think everyone's experience is going to be different and sometimes I think my experiences in returning were a bit extreme and I am finding ways to adapt more and more each day and week that passes but after leaving and coming back, things are never going to be the same and neither are you, so wether you choose to move to a different country, a different state or just a different part of a city, its always going to be an adjustment. It's finding a way to make it work in the end that makes the difference. For me, I am finding a way, slowly, but I am. But my advise to anyone who reads this, have patience with me, please, and with anyone else who may be in a similar situation because moving (by choice or not) is never an easy task.
As for me and this post, I have to share some of the tough parts about moving back to your home country.
My transition back to the US started many, many months ago. Hindsight is 20/20 and its so true in this exact situation. I can see now how the ultimate decision to leave France was sitting on my door step waiting for me to be ok with it and actually follow through way before I ever wanted to admit it. My visa had not been approved for anther time, I was unhappy in my chosen career path at the moment (I did not have a desire to be a nanny for the rest of my life) and in the pit in my heart, I knew my relationship with France was soon coming to an end. I had already bought my plane tickets back to Houston for the summer so I knew I would be leaving Paris, if for no more than 8 weeks, at least 8 weeks. About 2 weeks before my plane ticket to leave Paris I made the decision to pack it all up, quit my job, and say good bye to the best city and the bets friends a girl can ever have. It wasnt easy and I'm sure I was in denial those last two weeks. It was a scramble to get everything in order that needed to be, all while still enjoying the last moments I had there. What I found when I came home was a lot different than I had ever imagined. I think from the time I decided to leave Paris to the time I was actually back in Houston trying to settle down, I never really gave it much thought, how I would transition back. What the transition would look like. How hard or how easy it would be. Everyone says that reverse culture shock is harder and worse that the initial culture shock and boy where "they" right. Let me tell you why:
-I chose to move back in with my parents which was my only choice since I had no job and no money. And while I am beyond blessed to have parents who would and could take me back in until I am back on my feet and able to support myself again, who, at 25 years old, after not living near your parents for 7 years much less in the same country as them, wants to move back in with them? I do not mean to sound rude or ungrateful but lets me honest here, I love my parents to death, but I am an independent person and have been for 7 years. For anyone to move back in with their parents is going to be an adjustment at this age, but for me, I hadn't seen my parents but a handful of times in the past 2 years and now I was living with them, seeing them all day and everyday.
-Secondly, like I said, moving back in with my parents had other difficulties: like moving back to the place where I grew up but hadn't lived in 7 years. It's so strange to be back in such a familiar place but be such a different person. Besides being 7 years older than I was the last time I lived here, I am not at all the person I was when I did live here. I am older, wiser, and just a completely different person. All my traveling, living abroad, college, the like, have changed me so much that it was an out of body experience and continues to be, living back in the same place where i grew up. I run into people I knew 7 years ago all the time and its not one of my favorite things to do. I struggled with digressing back into the high school me. Not a place I want to return.
-I LOVE Europe. I love the way of life, I love a lot of the culture, I do love the people, I love so much about Europe. As much as I love the US, I love a lot more about Europe. The things I LOVE about Paris: not needing a car, the metro, walking everywhere, going to the parks all the time, the markets, the healthier lifestyles, smaller apartments, no elevators, etc. The list goes on. I miss my friends living so close to me, I miss having to walk and bike everywhere and it being safe and nice enough weather to do so. I miss meeting up with friends at the park and frequenting the markets to get your weekly groceries. It's hard to become accustomed to a life you really like, only to have to exchange it for one you used to have and with no real notice.
-And mostly, I miss my friends. I think what people didn't understand was how hard it was to leave my friends. My friends in Paris were my family. Most of us had left our families and were living, and working or going to school in Paris and we had all met and become friends and really bonded over being foreigners in a foreign place. These people were the ones I counted on when I was sick in the middle of the night and needed someone to take care of me, we celebrated birthdays and holidays together, we prayed for each other in tough times and cooked meals together regularly. I left my family in Paris and moved back to Houston where I have blood family and they are great but they aren't like my friends in Paris. I miss my best friends so much it hurts. The realization that I don't have that here was hard. I have a few friends here that I have kept in touch with through the years but they have their own lives and their own sets of friends and I don't fit into that anywhere yet.
There are many other things that make adjusting back into the American culture really hard and have made this time really trying for me. I am not writing this looking for a sympathy card at all, but just a desire to get the things off my chest that are so heavy and so hard so many days. A few months removed from my initial decision to leave and I am better adjusted to life here. My days are a lot easier than they used to be. I don't find myself randomly crying and not understanding why, missing my friends AS much (although I still do beyond words) or hating it here like I did in the beginning. I think everyone's experience is going to be different and sometimes I think my experiences in returning were a bit extreme and I am finding ways to adapt more and more each day and week that passes but after leaving and coming back, things are never going to be the same and neither are you, so wether you choose to move to a different country, a different state or just a different part of a city, its always going to be an adjustment. It's finding a way to make it work in the end that makes the difference. For me, I am finding a way, slowly, but I am. But my advise to anyone who reads this, have patience with me, please, and with anyone else who may be in a similar situation because moving (by choice or not) is never an easy task.
Good bye Michigan!
And after 7 days of enjoying reconnecting with a good friend I had met on the other side of the world, in her home town in Michigan, being taken to some of the most beautiful places I'd ever been to, it was time for us to part ways and for me to say good bye! But not until after the 5 hour drive to the airport. Yea, you read that correctly. Not sure if I mentioned that in the beginning post because I was so excited to be there but Christina lives 5 hours for the airport I flew in and out of. And with 2 full suitcases and 2 full carry-on's, mind you. I had half my life in those suitcases and I was back on the road to move "home" in Houston. So, on my last day in Michigan, Christina and I set off on our adventure back to Detroit to catch my flight.
I had the best time in Michigan, getting to experience new and exciting things with such a great friend and soul sista! I will never forget the many, many memories we made. Ones that are not even posted on this blog because no one would understand or care to be a part of those times. It was such a great way to be able to get over jet lag, relax, travel, and be re-acclimated to wonderful America.
Michigan, you will forever hold a special and beautiful place in my heart!
And with that, my adventure continues onward...
I had the best time in Michigan, getting to experience new and exciting things with such a great friend and soul sista! I will never forget the many, many memories we made. Ones that are not even posted on this blog because no one would understand or care to be a part of those times. It was such a great way to be able to get over jet lag, relax, travel, and be re-acclimated to wonderful America.
Michigan, you will forever hold a special and beautiful place in my heart!
And with that, my adventure continues onward...
Mackinaw Island, Michagan
After we returned from the Lake Heron side of the state we set out on our next adventure: Mackinaw Island. Mackinaw Island is a beautiful place on the northern most tip of Michigan just before Canada. I am so glad I got to experience this place because it was such a beautiful day and such a beautiful place. We drove about 1.5 hours where we parked our car and boarded a boat that took us to this hidden beauty. The boat ride was bliss for me. It was so freeing. That may sound stupid but I have come to love being outdoors, who knew my AC needing, high maintenance, city girl would ever come to love being outdoors with messy hair and sweaty but I do. Admitted. Once on the island we ate lunch and rented bikes where we spent several hours riding around, stopping every once in a while to stick our feet in the water for a cool down.
If you have never been here and are are anywhere near here, PLEASE GO! It's worth every minute you are there. You will not regret this experience at all!!!
Thanks, Christina, for taking me here!!!
Michigan vacation continued
And just like that I had the opportunity to witness a different part of the state. Christina's boyfriend invited us to his families home on the east side of Michigan, on lake Heron, for a couple of days during the 4th of July holiday. It was beautiful! I had never seen a lake so beautiful and so large in my life. Another cure of jet lag.... beautiful views with relaxing serenity. Yes. Although, the one comment I do have to make is, talk about a culture shock! I don't think I am very shocked by different cultures anymore after traveling to many different places, but I am surprised at times when I do find myself in a bit of a shock and wondering why. Usually my shock comes upon my return to the US. hmmm. But talk about going from the fast paced city life of Paris to the slooooowwwwwww paced (no need for a watch because they don't care what time it is) paced life of a super rural town on a beautiful lake. These people could care less what time is is. THey eat when they eat, they enjoy the weather sitting around all day or working outside. It was almost too calm for me. But I definitely forced myself to enjoy the calmness as much as possible. It was an awesome experience and I am thankful for the opportunity. (But I was definitely glad to get back to civilization after a couple of days as well!)
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