change sucks

(side note: kind of a debbie downer post... proceed with caution!!!)

change sucks! kind of an oxymoron to me sometimes. I joke about priding myself on the fact that i love change and i seek it out whenever possible. I have moved 6 times in the last 5 years, i have been to multiple schools, held multiple different jobs, attended multiple churches, moved cities, etc, and each time i have enjoyed the change and looked forward to it and anticipate the change, but, lately i've realized that the more change that happens, its not as glamorous as it appears in my mind; change sucks! I know that each time I have made a change in my life its been because thats what I was supposed to do at that time, but I'm coming to a place where I'd like to stay put for longer than 6 months, Be able to make friends and keep them, find a church and join it, find a long term volunteer opportunity, plan a job or career, and all of those are hard to do when you know (I know) that my time in that particular place in my life is only for 6 months or 7 months and then change comes again knocking on my door.

I've been real down recently about all this change going on and not knowing anything about my future or even about my present. My belongings are spread out between 4 places (including a storage unit), my heart is in one city while my life is in another and my body is in yet another. I am currently living in the living room of a great girl and roommate who I have come to dearly love and enjoy the company of, but that brings a lot feelings of everything right here and right now being so temporary. It's hard to have a lot of friends make empty statements like they'll come to visit or they'll call you later and in the back of my mind I know that they are not thinking about me because they are off having fun and fellowshipping, as well they should be and I wish nothing more for my friends to be happy and having fun enjoying life with each other but its hard to have those comments made to me and know that a lot of the times they are not going to be fulfilled. I wonder if its really possible to create lasting friendships in such a short amount of time and really expect for those relationships to continue on once change and distance have been put in the mix.

I know that with all this uncertainty in my mind that I have so much to be certain about in my love and faith in God and I can put all my cares upon Him. That I hold dear and close, but in the moments of being lonely and alone, I can't help but think about how I wish things were a bit more stable and predictable than they are now and have been. That sounds so wrong because I am happy where I am at right now, I am enjoying finishing my last semester of college and being back in the city that I love and having the opportunity to travel overseas so much this year, but at the end of the day, it's so hard to be in the right here and right now and have this loneliness creep over me like a blanket I just can't kick off.

This is so raw and real and random but its REAL and RAW and me.

Travel-icious

So my goal this year is to fill my passport! NO JOKE! One of the reasons I want to move to France is so that I can just travel like its never been done before! haha. Anyways, today I was thinking about the different states I have been to because I feel so untraveled which is so not true considering I have left the state a few times (or more) and I've also been blessed enough to leave the country (and I don't mean to Mexico). I actually met a guy in one of my classes last semester who has never left the state of Texas. I mean, I know that Texas is a large state and it takes a while to get to either border no matter which way you go, but really??? (well, unless you're in Houston and you're trying to get to Louisiana which then the only close place really is a casino which I guess is cool). Anyways, I was just so surprised to know that people don't travel, can't, don't, won't, or just plain haven't. Really? I have the travel bug like its going out of style, craaaazy! Like, right now, every single penny I make it going to either pay my car payment or my trip to France. I gave up going out with friends, eating out, SHOPPING, pedicures, etc, so I can travel. I spent 17 days between December and January traveling. 17 days? Ok, enough! shut up! So I want to visit every state in the United States (including flippin cold Alaska) asap. Ok, maybe not asap but it is a very near goal of mine. And possibly road trip a lot of them. Agh! I don't think I"ll ever have money again or have a real job, haha!

States I've visited or lived:

Texas

California

New Mexico

Colorado

Arkansas

Louisiana

Alabama

Georgia

Florida

Mississippi

Tennessee

Oklahoma

Virginia

Washington DC

Massachusettes

Maine

I think thats it! So basically the whole south, some of the east coast (barely) and I need to keep up the good work! haha. Road tripping is so much fun! I go to roadtrip to Georgia this year and Washington DC last year and I just loved it! I hope there is a lot more to come! And possibly a trip to PA this summer would be fabulous!

So for right now, the only traveling I'm doing is to Houston and back (which is not an easy drive when you do it 3 times a month, geeez) but in only a few weeks time my traveling with pick back up! I love it!

So here's to... roadtrips, friends, and lots of laughter! bahahahahaha. CHEERSSSS

Better late than Never? eh?

So I keep thinking about how I need to make and official list of my New Years Resolutions... and so here I am, doing it! "do it! do it! peer pressure" ...one of my favorite things to say.

New Years Resolutions for 2010: (some are practical, others are well...not so practical)

1. Not get a moving violation in 2010 ... yea, I did put that as no. 1, it would be nice not to be working to pay the different cities in texas.

2. get all A's in my last semester of college

3. graduate -- this IS a resolution, you know never what will happen between now and then so I have to make a conscious effort to put that as a goal of mine haha

4. have more patience

5. fill up my passport (and no worries, i WILL do this one, starting with France in a matter of weeks, wooo hooo)

6. become conversational in French before the year ends

7. read 2 books a month (I am probably going to fail at this one this month unless I read 2 books in the next few days, which i guess I should stay positive and do it!)

8. Read the Bible in 365 days (I'm reading the chronological Bible that is divided by the days of the year)

I am so set on fulfilling almost every one of these. I feel like almost all of these are attainable and with the love and support of my family and super cool new friends (that arent so new anymore) I know I can do all of them.

2010

So in the spirit of everyone and their dog, (including a new tv show), creating lists of things they want to do in the coming months or years, I am jumping on the bandwagon and being a follower and creating one also. It is not going to be posted yet because I have not finished it yet but I will soon enough. The thing I find funny is that I don't feel according to my personality type that I should be a list maker but I totally am, I guess thats the little bit of organization that lies somewhere deep within me. :-)

So much has happened and changed to/for me in the last month and its slightly crazy to think about. I traveled for 14 days straight this Christmas season, I moved in the middle of it, booked a wrong plane ticket, missed a flight, slept 2 hours in 48 hr time period, ate fast food for 3 meals a day for 5 days straight (ewww), played in 4 inches of fresh snow, sledded for the first time, and had the most amazing new years ever. Now I am back in Dallas sleeping on a matress in a friends living room for the next 4 months, nannying for a great family with 2 beautiful girls, and I start back to school which means my LAST semester of college ever (thats a promise) next Tuesday. I think, no, I know, I am in such a better place right now than I was the last time I was here in Dallas and trying to deal with multiple changes and I can only attribute that my Heavenly Father and the amazing (new) friends and family that he has so graciously placed in my life. I really am trying to fall in love with the Lord daily and its a constant struggle no doubt but I know that he is my Comforter, my Joy, my Provider, my Guidance, my Everything in an unknown world and I struggle daily to wake up and praise His name, but I am asking that He change my heart. He has been laying so much on my heart and I feel like He truly has been preparing me for an awesome road ahead and I can only dream and pray of what the bigger picture looks like!

So for this year, the year of 2010, a year full of MANY changes, many many unknowns, many struggles to come, and many times of happiness to enjoy, I am so thankful for the faith and relationship I have because from personal experience, doing it alone is not doable... it's not easy, its not fun, and its definitely not worth it to live life without Jesus by my side guiding my steps!

So here is to -- loving life in a whole new way, closing chapters only to open new ones, the unknown (to me), and seeking the one who guides my steps knowing and trusting that it is for His glory!!! ***** CHEERS!!! *****

Am I really this way?

So recently I have been in a super klutzy mood. (Do you spell it klutzy or clutzy?) So I will just relive my amazing moments of being me and let anyone who cares to read this laugh their tiny little heads off. Just kidding.

So last weekend I went ice skating at the outdoor ice skating rink downtown Houston. If you park on the street at night its free so thats what my friends and I did. Well, we had a splendid time! Probably one of my best nights ever, no lie! So we're leaving and I get back to my car and whatdoyouknow but I had LEFT MY WINDOW DOWN in downtown Houston. Klutzy me! Luckily no harm was done to my car but really...

A few weeks ago I was booking plane tickets for my trip to New Mexico for the Christmas break and I was all excited that they weren't too expensive yet and just without thinking booked a roundtrip ticket....FROM ALBUQUERQUE TO HOUSTON AND BACK...instead of booking a ticket from Houston to Albuquerque and back. (so that is number 1 oops for the night) I was like, no big deal, its a non refundable ticket but with Southwest you can cancel a ticket and put that money towards another flight, no problem! So I cancel the ticket, find the times and dates that I need, make sure its starting in the right place and then I BUY another ticket. You may be confused right now but let me explain: Instead of using the funds I had just charged for the first plane ticket I just go ahead and without thinking about it charge another roundtrip ticket to my Mom's credit card. Whoops! Needless to say it was not my finest moment and I left and went to church immedietly following that for fear of being beaten! (not really but I felt really bad and slightly stupid)

Last night I was home by myself after a long beginning of the week taking 4 finals in 3 days and had an already opened up bottle of "Kroger" red wine in the kitchen that I was going to pour myself a nice little glass and enjoy while watching tv while I was by myself. Haha, I could not for the life of me get that darn cork out of the darn bottle. It was a bit commical i'm sure if you had been a fly on the wall but very frustrating for me, the person who wanted the wine. I finally got it open and when I did...spilled it EVERYWHERE. All over my shirt, the kitchen counter, the floor. Luckily not anywhere that it would stain or couldn't be whiped up but nonetheless, it was already opened, shouldn't have been that hard!

To add to the last story, enjoying my glass of wine last night I was sitting on the couch and sat the glass of wine on the floor at my feet and totally forgot about it. I probably drank about 5 sips because I just kept forgetting I had it. I get up to go to bed and totally KNOCK IT OVER, all over my mom's living room rug. Again, LUCKILY its a really dark rug so no one was hurt in the process but still not my brightest moment! oops!

And then today, I was up by the shelf in the living room that houses our 10 DVD's (we have a pretty sad collection, or should I say, my parents do) and I was looking for the Sound of Music to watch it because it's amazing and thats what I wanted to watch. In the process, I knock over another dvd case that falls squarely on my foot...on my big toe, and decides to hit right at the part of your toe where your nail meets the skin. It hurt! And it bled...for like 5 minutes! My mom laughed at me for that!

The funny thing about all these stories is that these are only the ones that either were majorly klutzy or happened within the last 24 hours. The one good thing that comes out of being so retarded sometimes is that it provides some good ol fashioned laughter among myself and those are so blessed to be witnesses to my lack of grace!

*** Here's to not falling over, running into a wall, or driving off a cliff anymore or anytime soon!!!

who said sleep was a necessicity?

oh man, oh man, oh man!

so sometimes, no, ALWAYS i see, encounter, witness, however you wish you put it...the randomness of life! Honestly, one of my favorite things to do is people watch if that is even a real thing to do! Sometimes, i just have to wonder...what are people really thinking??? This is one crazy world we live in!!!

a. If there is a divider in the street...a patch of grass, a median...anything, you do NOT need to stop on the opposite side of the street as the school bus! I'm just saying... learned that one in one of many defensive driving classes!!! <--- and it is quite annoying to us drivers who do know the rules of the road when people do this! I understand you want to be safe but its not required!!!!

b. while I was stopped on the opposite side of the street as the bus becuase the cars in front of me clearly did not know the laws i witnessed what seemed like 100 kids get off ONE school bus at ONE stop. It was insane! I think half the school lived at the same apartment complex. It was the like the never ending kid-unloading bus stop!

c. Is it weird that I tend to remember meeting people even if I've only met them once? I have an insane memory sometimes and then other times it fails me miserably. BUT today I was in the Wal-Mart parking lot walking into the Wal-Mart and I saw this girl walk past me going the opposite direction as I and i swear she was a girl I met while in Paris who worked at this bike tour company that I LOVED. Anyways, crazy! and i swear it was her!!! ...and i did slightly stalk her online for a few minutes and i think it really was her.

d. why are the speed limits on the free 60?

ri-dic-u-lous!!! ugh.

e. I know i've said this a million times before (or at least I've discussed this topic many times before) but this time next year, i could possibly be in PARIS FRANCE!!!!!!!!!!! ????

f. Tonight I went over to my Grandma's at 8pm and she fed me the most delcious homemade soup you've ever had with the most amazing homemade corn bread you've ever had (i challenge anyone who thinks otherwise) and she helped me finish my sewing projects...i didn't leave until 11:30pm. What an amazing woman she is!!!! Now that is ri-dic-u-lous!

g. I am not at all ready to move to Denton! Nor will i ever, probably, but really, I LOVE HOUSTON! seriously? did i just type that? oh yea, i just did! All i can say is that the Lord REALLY does work in WEIRD and mysterious ways!

h. I have a boyfriend. He doesn't know it yet and we're not even really friends but i'm just saying! lolol.

i. I love how I thought I was friends with a certain someone and then come to find out I assumed and made up their entire life...how does that happen? I think i need to start asking more questions and learning more about people before making up their life story! geeez. But it was a pretty comical experience to say the least!

LOVE,

CRAZY-LOUD-SUPER DUPER FUN-AMAZING-TRANSPARANT-BLUNT-and BEYONG COOL person you've ever met in your entire life...and if you can't handle 1, 2, 3, 5, and 6 of those adjectives of myself then turn around walk the other way...!!!

<3

almost forgot!

I forgot a few updates:

1. I signed up for my near to last semester of college and I can't believe it's almost here! Really!??!?! I'm gonna be graduating soon?!?!?! (this time next year I will NOT be in school...)

2. Here's my t shirt quilt partly done... (ok, well, i suck at this blog so its above instead of below..ugh) But its my pride and joy right now! It's what I love doing and am so blessed to have this talent and love for being crafty in some sort of way.

3. My cousins Sarah and Joseph come to visit us in Houston this weekend and I'm sooooooo ridiculously excited because they just had a baby and I haven't met him yet. And i miss them soo much, its been January since I have seen them and I miss them.

4. I'm going to Passion in Atlanta, Georgia this next January. Can't wait! Went my freshman year of college and am going my senior (5th yr senior, but who's counting?) year. Great way to end my college career!!! Love Louie Giglio and all the others who will be in attendance...although not looking forward to the ridiculously long drive there!

5. And in January I also start passionately and dedicatedly looking for an Au Pair job in Paris (or anywhere in France) so that is a bit nerve racking knowng that it could possibly happen!!! eeeek!!!!

6. I move to Denton in January ALSO (everything seems like its going to happen in Jan 2010) which is going to be wild and crazy. Possibly more eventful than the move back to Houston, because it will be my first time to live in a small town since my not so enjoyable first semester of college that was spent in College Station (what'do ya know, coincidentally this will be my last semester) and my first time to live closer than 25 miles to UNT, the college of which I will be getting my degree from. Lots of first in that paragraph....

7. I am changing my name....haha just kidding!!!

8. Ok, I think i've finally run out of things to blog about! Peace out yo!!!